Our lovely view today. We alternated driving about every 150 miles and only stopped for gas until we got to Chicago for our first sit down meal. By the time we got our pie it was close to 11 pm. We may have been too tired to enjoy the pizza. We didn't have a set plan on where to spend the night but food coma dangerously kicked in. We were lucky to find a TA right outside the city. $14 shower for two was the biggest win (for @vande.liz). We're going to drive another 12 hrs and setup camp in South Dakota!
TRACKS OF A BROKEN HEART...
You know those photographs of your past you avoid at all cost and those torturous feelings when you accidentally stumble upon him online? In this age of social media, it seems like the pain of a break up lives on in your feed making moving on infinitely harder...
Fast forward years later when you accidentally stumble upon him online and you hold your breath expecting the pain to flood back. But the pain never comes and you are left staring at just another picture of just another person.
You have finally let go and discovered that the pain you once drowned in, is now a drought you barely recognise.
I am one of those people who struggled immensely with the drama of my broken heart and I never punish myself for being stuck with the ghosts of my flashbacks and isolated in the story of my pain and anger. Acknowledging those dark days made me stronger...
A broken heart throws us to the winds of uncertainty, our fragility crushed by a tornado of fear and everything we thought we knew transformed by sorrow and crushed under the weight of lost dreams.
It's okay, let it be!
I have found my healing on a path of many tracks, tracks that run parallel to each other: the tracks of sorrow and joy. The tracks of anger and peace. The track of hope and resignation...To walk a one sided track would create the illusion of letting go, because the parallel track would eventually catch up with me, bringing me full circle back to emptiness...
To heal and let go, it became inevitable that I must explore all the tracks of my broken heart, to be in their discomfort and their awfulness while learning to jump tracks when the shit gets too heavy.
It took time and work to break down the pain into lessons and i knew I have let go when instead of recalling my past love with bitterness and anger, I smile as I recall what I loved about how I loved him...
Our lives are an accumulation of loves as well as losses and to live fully we must walk the awful and beautiful tracks of your pain with ease until we eventually stumble upon the liberating realisation that life is always uncertain and impermanent and love is beautiful even if it hurts #dothework#vanlifediaries
Something I've come to accept living on the road, VanLife is a contrast flurry of repairs and upgrades. This cross country trip has become my shakedown trip for South America. I've had very few mechanical issues, but am constantly tweaking what I'm taking with me. Right now I'm in the process of getting rid of things I'm not using. Walking stick, bye. Cold weather clothes, shipping them back to CA. Porta Potty, haven't used it. Currently contemplating swapping the porta potty for a small Honda EU2000i generator. I'd use it to power the portable AC unit while off grid. VanLife is all about trade offs. Here I am installing some upgraded Z bed brackets.