i told you when we first met that i was only here for myself, that i was only here for the stories, only here for the cheap beer. i opened up to you and showed off my demons inside, proud of the way they'd torn me apart, proud of how well i could conceal the scars and only show my exterior, proud of how i appeared to the world. i asked you if you understood who i was before we began, if you knew what you were starting, if you wanted to continue, if you could really trust me that way. i poured words out, honesty searing into your lips from mine, the lies and hurt forgotten, cast into the back of our minds, set aside for a moment of silence. i did my best to be who i really was and you fell for me despite it all, brushing my fear aside and trusting in who you saw. i didn't sleep for days, burnt out because you drew me out of my mind and into the sea, exhausted from being alive. i collapsed at the end, my heart beating slower than it ever had, my eyes melted as you opened up right back, trying desperately to make me feel the same as you, trying to convince yourself that i wasn't exactly what i said, that there was a foundation below the shine, a substance to abuse. i told you there wasn't any skeleton to find in the closet but you didn't believe me, you just hid it better than the rest. i spent the rest of myself on the night, as frightened of the morning as you, as aware of my leaving as the stars above, omnipresent and unwavering.
i keep having this dream where you turn into the shepherd, i know deep down it's not who you are but baby it took me too damn long to become this wolf and i can't give it up for you.